Sunday, May 23, 2010

What I have learned playing Call of Duty online

So I have played Call of Duty on the XBox 360 starting with Call of Duty 4, then moving to Call of Duty World at War, and most recently Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. I have spent countless hours playing online multi-player, mainly Hardcore Team Death-match. In playing all these hours, ignoring my wife and work, I have come to learn a few things about other people and about myself, so i have compiled a list of things that I have learned. Feel free to add your own lessons learned as well.

1. First and most importantly, I have learned that my ethnicity and religious beliefs and even my sexuality have changed. I know this because I am frequently called a Jew, "fag", the "N word", and various other slanders. Not once have I been called a Caucasian, there fore, I must not be one.

2. Secondly, I have learned that everyone on the internet has had sexual relations with my wife, mother, sister, grandmother, or substitute any other female relative I have and some 14 year old on the internet has had sex with her.

3. Even though the object of the game it to keep from getting your head blown off, people get angry at you for ducking and covering, better know as "camping". From what I gather, I am supposed to pretend I am in the American revolution and walk side by side with my other players and get picked off as we march down the road.

4. Regardless of skill level or lack of skill level, if I get a good shot on someone, I either have a modded controller, or I am glitching, or "the game cheated".

5. If you are under the age of 30, you must scream horrendous rap music in the mic as loud as humanly possible when in the lobby to show just how cool you are to everyone else.

6. If you are over the age of 30 you should not be playing this game because "you have responsibilities to deal with". Not sure about this one, but I have been told I should be taking care of my children, or I must have no life because I am too busy playing video games.

7. There are a lot of foul mouthed 8 year olds. My mother would have beaten me down if I talked like a lot of these young kids.

8. No matter what weapon you use, it is considered a "cheap weapon", especially if you get killed by it frequently.

9. High powered explosives though fun, are "newb tubes" and should never be used, unless you want to be ridiculed.

10. Finally, being in a group or "clan" automatically means I get to run my mouth repeatedly about all the above mentioned things learned and if you speak up, and refute any of those things, I and now all my friends get to ridicule you even more until you quit the game, then I get to send you voice messages.

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