What I have learned playing Call of Duty online

So I have played Call of Duty on the XBox 360 starting with Call of Duty 4, then moving to Call of Duty World at War, and most recently Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. I have spent countless hours playing online multi-player, mainly Hardcore Team Death-match. In playing all these hours, ignoring my wife and work, I have come to learn a few things about other people and about myself, so i have compiled a list of things that I have learned. Feel free to add your own lessons learned as well.

1. First and most importantly, I have learned that my ethnicity and religious beliefs and even my sexuality have changed. I know this because I am frequently called a Jew, "fag", the "N word", and various other slanders. Not once have I been called a Caucasian, there fore, I must not be one.

2. Secondly, I have learned that everyone on the internet has had sexual relations with my wife, mother, sister, grandmother, or substitute any other female relative I have and some 14 year old on the internet has had sex with her.

3. Even though the object of the game it to keep from getting your head blown off, people get angry at you for ducking and covering, better know as "camping". From what I gather, I am supposed to pretend I am in the American revolution and walk side by side with my other players and get picked off as we march down the road.

4. Regardless of skill level or lack of skill level, if I get a good shot on someone, I either have a modded controller, or I am glitching, or "the game cheated".

5. If you are under the age of 30, you must scream horrendous rap music in the mic as loud as humanly possible when in the lobby to show just how cool you are to everyone else.

6. If you are over the age of 30 you should not be playing this game because "you have responsibilities to deal with". Not sure about this one, but I have been told I should be taking care of my children, or I must have no life because I am too busy playing video games.

7. There are a lot of foul mouthed 8 year olds. My mother would have beaten me down if I talked like a lot of these young kids.

8. No matter what weapon you use, it is considered a "cheap weapon", especially if you get killed by it frequently.

9. High powered explosives though fun, are "newb tubes" and should never be used, unless you want to be ridiculed.

10. Finally, being in a group or "clan" automatically means I get to run my mouth repeatedly about all the above mentioned things learned and if you speak up, and refute any of those things, I and now all my friends get to ridicule you even more until you quit the game, then I get to send you voice messages.

The howtness of commercial girls

As I flip through the television stations, I come across a commercial for Progressive Insurance. In the commercial, a cute woman is talking to a couple of guys about saving money on their insurance and comparing rates. I find myself being very attracted to the Progressive insurance woman.l Now, I am a happily married man and would never think about chasing after another woman, however, the more I watch these Progressive Insurance commercials, the more I find myself fantasizing about this woman. She has in essence become my commercial dream woman.
I mentioned my "love affair with this character" to one of my friends. He in turn told me about his commercial dream woman. For him, the woman in the Yellowbook commercials gets him going. I'm not sure if you have seen these commercials or not, but a woman in the future is being dumped by her boyfriend, so she goes online to the Yellowbook and begins looking up different things, such as chainsaws, etc... Eventually she decides on a new little black dress, and is seen in the next scene with the dress on. Now I will completely yield to the fact that this woman is beautiful, with her long brown hair and crystal clear Blue eyes, but she is no Progressive chick.
So my point to this little blog is what attracts one person may be completely different to another. For my friend, it was the Yellowbook woman's looks and maybe a little emotion over her being dumped, whereas for me, the Progressive woman has a cool, bubbly personality. She strikes me as someone I would like to hang out with; someone that would be fun and keep me laughing. In fact, I soon realized she reminds me of my wife (without the bitching about cleaning the cat box). I realized that what attracted me to this person in a commercial was the same thing that attracted me to my wife. Maybe if we look deeper at those we fantasize about, we will see that, for some of us, we have that person with us in real life.

Smoking Smarties!?

So for my first official blog, I thought I would talk a little about a subject that has just been brought to my attention; smoking Smarties. Now most of you out there will be thinking to yourself "what exactly is smoking Smarties?" Which is not only a normal response, but a response that is completely expected.
As I was browsing through the Fox news headlines, I came across this little gem.
"Not Smart(ies): Doctors Warn of Dangers in Kids 'Smoking' Sugary Candies" located HERE:
WTF?? Kids smoking Smarties candy! I was completely intrigued. In the article, the reporter mentions a You Tube video and even provides a link, which I clicked on quickly. That video is located HERE.
After watching a few of these videos, I have come to the conclusion that most kids are just plain dumb and it scares me that these kids will be running our country when I am an old(er) man. Yes people, this kid who just taught me how to smoke Smarties candy could one day be president; though somehow I seriously doubt he will live that long if he continues to smoke Smarties.
So now I have to ask the question What is going on in society?? We have an Octo mom, who is a family factory, squirting out kids at a blinding rate. Then we have a man who kept his daughter locked in the basement for years, repeatedly raping her and fathering her children, and now we have kids "smoking" Smarties candy? Why? What does this accomplish? Do the kids think it is cool looking? maybe they want to look like their white trash parents, but since they can't light up a cigarette yet, they puff on candy dust?
I guess what it all boils down to is a mix of boredom and, as the term goes, kids being kids.

The Introduction

So after countless attempts at message boards and other failed avenues I have decided to start a blog about nothing in particular. No, this will not be a Seinfeld episode in written form, this will be a place for me to rant and rave about anything that crosses my mind. I will attempt to make a new entry weekly, however, I am sure there will be times where I post daily, as there are plenty of morons out there for me to rant about. I am sure I will offend plenty of people with my writings and sadly, I don't care. I will not apologize for anything I may say in these pages because this is how I feel, not how I think you want me to feel. If you do not like what I have to say, my suggestions would be for you to go read something else. Either way though, feel free to comment on these pages. I will not delete any comments, though I probably will not respond to any comments either.
So without further adieu, allow me to present Rob's Rhetoric